Written by Hannah Blum, author of The Truth About Broken: The Unfixed Version of Self-Love
There are subtle signs that we are dating or in a relationship with someone who is affecting our mental health. It doesn’t necessarily mean the person we are dating is a horrible human being, but regardless the relationship still takes a toll on our mental health. These are 12 subtle signs that the person you are dating is affecting your mental health.
You continuously question their love for you.
This one is a give in-if you continuously have to ask them if they love you, then love is in question which directly affects your mental health. It’s depressing to think you are in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. It makes us question, not only our partner’s love but the love we have for ourselves. Love is not supposed to be on trial. You either feel loved or you don’t, and if you don’t, then it’s best to walk away before doing more mental damage.
You overanalyze every text message.
The emoji’s they use, the amount of time in between text message responses, the length of their response is all up for a hardcore investigation. We all do it, and we play into it as well-“I am not going to respond for two hours because they didn’t.” Analyzing and picking apart emojis, words and timing to figure out if they love us or not is cluttering our mind with negative thoughts. When you are secure with the person you are dating you don’t feel the need to overanalyze every text message.
You are sad more than you are happy.
It seems evident that if you are sad more than you are happy, it’s affecting your mental health. However, emotional turmoil in a relationship can become a norm which is more of a reason to be concerned. When you lose track of the bad times, but can easily count the good times, it means there is not enough of the good. A relationship is not perfect, but it’s not as complicated as we make it out to be. If you feel you are always in pain with this person, it’s time to break away.
You obsessively creep on their social media.
We are all guilty of creeping on someone we are crushing on or dating, including me; however, when we go overboard with creeping on the person we are dating, it does more harm than good. It’s like we are torturing ourselves on purpose. We have access to so much, if not too much, information about a person through social media. For example, on Instagram, you can see the photos a person likes, who they are following, comments and every other thing that goes into creeping. It creates unnecessary anxieties and insecurities. If you feel this constant need to check up on them, then there is something wrong. You are almost looking for a reason to break it off. It’s obvious they are not making you feel secure in your relationship.
You feel they have power over your emotions.
You feel like an emotional puppet. When they give you attention, you are happy and secure. When they don’t, you are depressed and insecure. The moment your phone lights up with a text from them you go from sad to happy again. You are at their beck and call both emotionally and physically. It becomes a cycle of emotional turmoil, and these highs and lows do significant damage to our mental health. When our emotions are in the hands of someone else it makes us extremely vulnerable. In one of my previous relationships, I ignored this sign and my vulnerability eventually became a platform for severe emotional abuse.
You are filled with anxiety.
You feel uneasy calling or texting them because you feel like you are annoying. If you get anxious about what they are doing or who they are with-it means their lack of effort is making you mentally drained. You have sleepless nights, always looking at your phone to see if they messaged you, and if they haven’t you are filled with anxiety. It’s not to say that you should never be anxious, but when these extreme feelings are consistent, it’s a bad sign. Anxiety is a very serious mental health condition that should not be dismissed or ignored.
You send the “novel text” too often.
The “novel text” is something we all do, but hate to admit. You know what I am talking about- it’s a response that is drafted in a Google Doc shared with your friends for editing purposes. It’s the breaking point text where you say, “I’m done” when really you are not. It’s confronting your emotional battle in hopes they will understand and change how they act towards you. It represents this emotional conflict you find yourself in more often than not. You feel the constant need to explain yourself. The “novel text” is okay in some situations that call for it, but when this happens all the time, and precisely when you are intoxicated it’s an unhealthy behavior, which leads into the next sign.
You are disconnected from your friends.
When we are in a relationship our friendships take a back seat, especially in the beginning, which is reasonable to an extent, but when you stop responding to your friend’s texts, calls or do not meet them out at all, you may be depressed. Isolation is a symptom of depression. A mentally unsound relationship makes us withdraw from our friends and isolate ourselves. You’ve become so consumed in your emotions that you have little energy to give to your friends.
You use social media to get their attention.
You use social media, whether it be a FaceBook post, Snapchat or Instastory to get their attention in some way. Social media platforms give us the opportunity to be seen when we aren’t being seen if that makes sense. You haven’t heard from them, or you saw a post on their feed that made you upset, so you pull for a reaction through social media. In our minds, we think we are making a statement, but in reality, we are just digging ourselves into a deeper insecure hole.
You feel unattractive.
When one person’s actions or lack thereof becomes the opinion of how you perceive yourself, it’s a sign that this relationship is affecting your mental health majorly. Their lack of attention makes you feel unattractive. You think there is something wrong with you because they are not as invested as you are. We are all insecure, but the person we are dating should make us feel good about ourselves, both for our appearance and personality.
Do not linger on with anyone who is affecting your mental health in hopes that they will change. Take a step back, reconnect with yourself and be with someone that makes love a little less complicated. Remember these four things about love: Love is not suffering. Love is not an obsession. Love is not insecure. Love is not always in question.
For more mental health content follow @hannahdblum
In her first book, The Truth About Broken: The Unfixed Version of Self-Love, Hannah Blum redefines what it means to be broken and helps others find their way to a different type of self-love, the unfixed version of it. Through a collection of stories that will never leave your mind, inspirational quotes and the lessons taken from her journey with mental illness, readers are sure to feel empowered after reading this book.