I was walking through a dark tunnel, no light to be seen. All I could hear were the echoes of my own voice. In the moment that I wanted to stop, to give up on finding the light, I felt the strength and confidence you had instilled in me over the years, prior to this moment. You didn’t come into the tunnel to guide me to the light, for you knew that would not help me in the end. You gave me the knowledge, the power and confidence to overcome this battle prior to me entering. As I walked into the light again, you were standing there gleaming with joy saying to me, “I never doubted you Hannah….I knew you wouldn’t give up.”-Halway2hannah
The first man who had his heart broken by me,was my father. To see the little girl who danced to the beat of her own drum laying in a hospital bed, withering away only 19 years later; he could protect me from everything in my life, but the one person he couldn’t protect me from was me.
This is a letter to my father from his daughter with bipolar…
Happy Father’s Day! Instead of sending you a card, I decided to write a post in form of a letter to share with my friends, family & followers. A novel would not be enough room to share with the people around me the impact you have had on my life. Your strength helped me get off the ground, your confidence gave me hope when I felt like there was none, and your heart is what saved me in the end.
I will not remember the material gifts you gave me, or how much money you spent, although all gifts received are greatly appreciated.
This is what I will always remember dad…
…you sitting on the sidelines, applauding and gleaming at my success as an athlete, a student, a young teenager, with hope in your eyes for my future.
…you sitting at my bed side a few years later, holding my hand at my weakest, believing in my ability to overcome this battle with bipolar.
…the proud look on your face, sitting in the crowd of over 1,000 people waiting to see me graduate from College.
I will remember these moments because your support for me never changed regardless of the situation. On the sidelines of being crowned prom queen, or in the moment when I was too weak to move, you were always proud, and always believed in me.
…for working to understand my diagnosis, even though you may never fully get it.
…for making me feel like my power stemmed from my flaws.
…for believing in me, when I didn’t believe in myself.
…for always pushing me to succeed regardless of a diagnosis.
…for never giving up on me.
…for embracing the wild child in me.
…for allowing me to share the details of my life without judgment.
…for making me feel beautiful when my reflection told me otherwise.
…for finding me when I was lost.
…for listening to my late night rambling when all you wanted to do was sleep.
…for loving me when I couldnt love myself.
Thank you dad, for being the father not many can be. I used to think love could only be observed in the best moments of our lives, but I was wrong. A fathers love for his daughter is truly shown in the worse moments. Not in the moments you are seen dancing, but in the moments you are seen crumbling. A fathers love is endless, thank you dad for teaching me this.
I love you always Dad.
To all the fathers who are struggling with their daughters-Do not give up on them. They are capable, and you are capable of teaching them how to find the light again. There is nothing more powerful than a fathers love for his daughter. Happy Fathers Day to you all!